By:
Mitchell R. Robb
Good evening my fellow Americans. First, I want to pass on my
condolences to the people of New York and all Americans that are hurting in this
tragic time. You can rest assured that anything and everything that can be
done to assure the safety of our country will be done. This is the greatest
country in the world and we will get through this trying time. Now is the
time for all people to set aside our petty differences and show the world
that no one or nothing can destroy the fortitude of the American people. To the
people responsible for today's tragedy, I say this: Are you fucking kidding
me? Are the turbans on your heads wrapped too tight? Have you gone too long
without a bath? Do you not know who you are fucking with? Americans are so
hungry to kill, that we shoot at each other every day. We will relish that
opportunity for new targets for our aggression. Have you forgotten
history? What happened to the last people that started fucking
around with us? Remember the little yellow bastards over in Japan? We slapped
them all over the Pacific and roasted about 2 million of them in their own
back yard. That's what we in America call a big ass barbecue. Ever seen Texas
on a map? Ever wonder why it's so big? Because we wanted it that way, Mexico
started jacking around with the Alamo and now they cut our lawns. England?
We sent them packing. Ask your buddy Saddam about fucking with the good 'ole
USA. The only reason he got away the first time is because it's too hard
to shoot someone when you're doubled over laughing at them. Our soldiers
aren't trained to laugh and shoot at the same time. Now he couldn't stop a
pack of cub scouts from taking over his shitty little country. Trust us,
Afghanistan will end up a giant kitty litter box. Go ahead and try to hide, Bin
Laden. There's not a hole deep enough or a mountain high enough that's
going to keep your camel riding asses safe. We will bomb every inch of the
country that harbors him, his camps and
any place that looks and even smells like he was there. Hell, we might
even drop a few bombs on people that have pissed us off in the past. This is
America. We kick ass. This is what we do. Go ahead and laugh now, but the
Tomahawks are coming and we will smoke your sorry asses.
God bless America!