Tänne kaikki merkityksettömät ilmoitukset vol. V

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ToXiCiTy

ToXiCiTy

I am fabulous!
Liittynyt
20.4.2008
Viestit
16731
Sijainti
Järvenpää
WTF??? HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Ei jumalauta.:D
 
Mosse

Mosse

Skidmark
Liittynyt
5.3.1999
Viestit
104235
Sijainti
On earth
Havaroin pari tuntia nurmikkoa. Vielä oli n. 75% jäljellä, eli 6h homma. Mutta nyt on liian märkää jatkaa.
 
jjv

jjv

Arschloch
Liittynyt
4.5.2005
Viestit
26892
Tulipahan istuttua päivä jokkiskatsomossa. Jokkis on harvoja lajeja joissa ei vieläkään tartte vip-telttoja väistellä. Jotain aitoa ja demokraattista vielä jäljellä. Nyt Kokemäen romanttisesti rapistuneella assalla. Vasen puoli kasvoista lienee palanut.
 
PuoliPöhkö

PuoliPöhkö

Well-known member
Liittynyt
3.1.2008
Viestit
31216
Sijainti
suom. "sijainti" toim.huom.
Aijjumaleissön, kyä on mopoilu mahtipuuhaa 24 vuoden tauon(kin) jälkeen!
Ei voi mennä autolla enää töihin. Se on ajokausi ny.

Just tulin, ja taas tekis mieli lähteä.
 
Sue_me

Sue_me

Well-known member
Liittynyt
1.8.2005
Viestit
27848
Tässä ajankuluksi plärännyt wikipediaa.

Löytyi juttua aika tervehenkisestä hemmosta. Ei ole maailma paljoa muuttunut tässä vuosien saatossa:
Szilveszter Matuska (January 29, 1892 – disappeared c. 1945), was a Hungarian mass murderer and mechanical engineer who made two successful and at least two unsuccessful attempts to derail passenger trains in Hungary, Germany and Austria in 1930 and 1931.

.....

Matuska's motives remain unclear. His first attack was initially thought to have been politically motivated. At his trial, Matuska claimed to have been ordered to derail the express by God. Matuska has also been quoted as explaining his crimes by saying: "I wrecked trains because I like to see people die. I like to hear them scream." It was reported that he achieved orgasm while watching the trains he had sabotaged crash.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Szilveszter_Matuska
 
Albert Oil

Albert Oil

Hippi ja juntti
Liittynyt
14.2.2000
Viestit
55371
Sijainti
Korviesi välissä
Sunnuntain aikana tuli vastattua 107:taanseitsemään tietokilpailukysymykseen! Huh.
Nyt on pidettävä taukoa tuollaiset 16 tuntia.
 
Mosse

Mosse

Skidmark
Liittynyt
5.3.1999
Viestit
104235
Sijainti
On earth
Pitäis lähteä ajamaan Kokkolaan asentamaan ja kouluttamaan.

Illaksi Ûberwieskaan.
 
Mosse

Mosse

Skidmark
Liittynyt
5.3.1999
Viestit
104235
Sijainti
On earth
Olga sanoi:
Onhan se mahdotonta haipakkaa, kun jatkuvasti on reissussa. Onneksi on hyvät säät... ei enää liukkaita. Hirviä kannattaa varoa!
Klikkaa laajentaaksesi...
Huomenna kotiin ja torstaiaamuksi Tuusulaan. Lauantaina häät Hangossa. Su Kuopioon.

Suomi tutuksi. Mutta joo, hyvät kelit sentään. Sade ei haittaa, jos on tullakseen.
 
Olga

Olga

.
Liittynyt
13.10.2001
Viestit
40436
Sijainti
lakitukossa
Tulinpas töihin ja huomasin, että tuikitärkeä muistitikku jäi kotiin. Ei muuta kuin takaisin ja hakemaan. Koira oli niin tyytyväisen näköinen, kun menin kotiin. Piti reppanalle selittää, että ei tämä päivä ihan näin lyhyt ollut...
 
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